Reading Closing the Book…
“Over time your life becomes delicious. You don’t recognise the old you anymore. People from then don’t recognise the new you.
You start to feel like you are ok.
But it always lingers. It creeps into your pieces and plonks down in the middle of the page, cross legged with arms folded and refuses to move. You write around it. Humour it. Hope that over time it will get bored and move away. But it’s always there, like the cool breeze on a cheek just kissed by a departed lover.
You get a phone call from an area code that you remember from your furtive teenage years. You answer too quickly, and when the voice says hello, you marvel at how it’s possible to forget […]
…reminded me of a writing from long ago and the healing of betrayal traumas:
No one can feel what I feel; they are not me. My wounds healed a long time ago but the scars are weaker and become inflamed. When anyone says, “I know how you feel, it happened to me too,” I want to slap them upside the head. Even worse than comparisons, victims who tell other victims, “You have no idea what I lived through” and “Be glad you only had to live there for one year, I was there for three.” How dare anyone compare battlefield wounds! The only thing we have in common is a similar wound. From adulthood and throughout the rest of life, our battle scars are our own to tend. Scars affect nerve endings and scars easily chafe.
Depending on the location of the wound, having an overly sensitive scar is common. When the scars are on the inside, no one can see them; hidden scars are easier to dismiss.
Scarring is a natural part of the healing process after an injury. Its appearance and its treatment depend on multiple factors.
The depth and size of the wound, the cut, and the location of the injury matter. So do your age, genes, sex, and ethnicity.
The truth is the scar will never completely go away, but there are some methods that can help reduce its size and change its appearance.
Doctors know that scars do not disappear and with effort, people have the ability to reduce the level of tender wounds. We must take positive actions to reduce a stressor we did not ask for; we have it, therefore, we must do something about it. Stopping ourselves from thinking about the wounds or scars does not work for anyone. We can only pretend for so long. Forgetting is not an option.
Bodies have memories entirely disconnected from consciousness. A church, a steeple, a sound, or a song takes the mind on an instant journey into a time that most prefer not to visit again.
Moments yank us back in time, chafing the scars, and our perspectives can become so narrow, we only see ourselves. An inability to “see” the experiences of another and see the other’s injury, without “seeing” personal scars requires we move from victim to victor. Victim and Victor differ in attitude and time. Both experienced similar levels of trauma and one refused to see themselves limited by victimization. Trauma does not break people. Unique and individual responses to trauma can break some. We are stronger than we know, until we are tested and tried; from which come the heavy metals… the people who last the test of time.
How will this child’s scars affect his life? He is not likely to forget the day his pastor beat him so badly, his kidneys shut down. He can allow this one horrific incident to define who he is capable of becoming, or he can see the ignorant brutality of humans and avoid similar situations because now he is grown.
The individuals’ resolve to get up, learn from mistakes, learn from other’s mistakes, while disregarding the naysayers, influences whether one be a victor in life or a become a victim of life. A calling to find the truth in life isn’t always pleasant. Self-discovery can feel near deathly, and then we gain insight to avoid similar patterns of behavior. We quit doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. We learn to act differently to obtain a different, better, existence with increased balance.